What if sexy had nothing to do with approval? A personal reflection on redefining confidence, worth, and what the best kind of sexy really is.
I believe the phrase Best Kind of Sexy was given to me years ago by God.
And I know that might sound contradictory to some people.
But it isn’t.
For a long time, I lived in a world where being “sexy” meant being seen.
Half-dressed. Filtered. Desired. Loud.
I learned early on, like a lot of women, that my worth was tied to how I looked and how much attention I could get. And by the world’s standards, sexy looks a very specific way. It’s polished. It’s Botox. It’s perfectly curated bodies and faces that don’t age, don’t struggle, don’t rest.
It’s not real.
And it’s not sustainable.
I want to be really clear about something here.
This isn’t about shaming beauty choices. I’ve gotten Botox before. I get it. We all do things to feel more confident in our skin, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
The question isn’t what we do… it’s why we’re doing it.
Are we making choices from a grounded place, or are we chasing a standard that keeps moving? Are we doing something because it genuinely supports how we feel, or because we’re afraid of being unworthy, unseen, or not enough?
There’s a big difference between enhancement and hiding. Between confidence and coping.
And that’s where I think things get messy for a lot of women.
The world sells us a version of sexy that’s exhausting to maintain. And if we’re not careful, we can end up outsourcing our worth to trends, procedures, and external approval instead of actually addressing what’s going on underneath.
That’s not freedom.
And it’s not sustainable.
We chase this version of confidence that’s built on a facade, and when the attention fades (because it always does), we’re left emptier than before.
I know, because I lived it.
Redefining Sexy
The best kind of sexy has nothing to do with how much skin you show. Its simply taking the definition of Sexy back
It’s:
- Kindness
- Vulnerability
- Growth
- Authenticity
- Humility
- Making space for other women instead of competing with them
- Allowing healthy masculinity and femininity to exist without competition
- Knowing where your worth actually comes from
For me, that’s rooted in God.
Sexy, by the world’s definition, is unattainable. You can’t keep it. You can’t out-run time. You can’t win against comparison.
But confidence that’s built on wholeness?
That’s different.
That stays.
My Complicated Relationship With Boudoir
Because of my past, I approach boudoir differently than most photographers.
There is a place for it.
There are cultures where the body isn’t sexualized the way it is here. There are seasons where a woman needs to reconnect with her body… after trauma, after childbirth, after loss, after years of disconnection. There are moments where celebrating yourself is healing.
And I LOVE that.
What I don’t believe in is creating images for the sole purpose of public validation. Posting yourself online to chase attention that will give you a high and then disappear. That kind of attention is fleeting, and in many cases, it creates more problems than it solves. Believe me, I know.
I’ve seen the damage this does to women, to men, to marriages, to families. We’re inundated with images that distort intimacy and connection, and I don’t want to contribute to that cycle.
So if a woman comes to me wanting photos for her husband, or for herself in a deeply intentional, grounded, personal way I’m here for that. Fully. YES PLEASE
But if it’s about feeding a void?
That’s not something my heart desires to support.
So What Is the Best Kind of Sexy?
It’s renewing your mind.
It’s learning to be gentle with yourself.
It’s becoming secure enough that you don’t need to be chosen by everyone.
It’s confidence that isn’t loud, but rooted.
It’s growth.
It’s integrity.
It’s living by the Golden Rule—treating others the way you want to be treated.
Sexy is not a look.
It’s a posture.
And the best kind of sexy is the kind that doesn’t disappear when the attention does.
Where This Shows Up in My Work
This philosophy is woven into every empowerment (Best Kind of Sexy) session I offer.
It means:
- I photograph women as they are, not as they think they need to be
- I hold space for real stories, not just aesthetics
- I value depth over performance
- I believe confidence comes from alignment, not approval
This work isn’t about becoming someone new.
It’s about coming home to yourself.
That’s the best kind of sexy.
